Exit, pursued by a bear.

grindhousepop replied to your post: Things I have been called in youtube comments for Rotten Tomatoes Show reviews:

people are so cool.

• loser
• unattractive
• ass-faced bitch
• someone “nobody’s drooling all over”
• The Chick with Black Hair (also, “someone who doesn’t understand other peoples’ struggles” because of my critique of “I Can do Bad All By Myself,” so, OK, that might be true, but then the person said I should “stick to twilight” and to “get it str8” so)
• ignorant
• cock sucker/emplyee at mcdonalds (same comment)
• hater
• idiot
• ugly chick
• racist (for not liking “The Spy Next Door”)
• fat bitch
• retard
• bitch
• film snob that hasn’t finished film school (in their defense, this was totally true at the time)
• arrogant douchebag
• stupid bitch
• overanalyzing white person (because, according to this commenter, “Black people like what they like and keep they mouths shut about it.” WHAAAAAAAAAT)
• hannamcnoLIFE (I love how they made a point to insult my username while spelling it wrong)
• a woman who doesn’t know any better
• retard cunt
• wannabe
• someone with a “stupid head”
• “fuckin” woman who “don’t understand shit about movies”
• someone who should “Go away” (the comment literally said “Btw Hannah go away”)
• I don’t even know how to sum this up: “meep! meep meep meep! ohhhoho thats right hannah were watching macgruber!”
• bitch who should get back in the kitchen
• soggy dish towel who is PMS-ing
• someone who doesn’t understand sarcasm
• someone who needs good dick
• killjoy feminist
• someone never seen the macgruber skits
• coke bottle glasses wearer

and just so everyone knows, the last fifteen (so, like, the last half) were all for my review of MacGruber. So, sure, the movie didn’t impress me as much as it apparently should have. This makes me an unfunny, unppreciator-of-comedy woman who is apparently PMS-ing and should get back in the kitchen and needs to get fucked and doesn’t understand movies AT ALL and doesn’t have a sense of humor wears coke bottle glasses (which mine were shaped like a rectangle, but OK). This is even more hilarious because it happened when I was actually working for the show. SO.

man I miss the rotten tomatoes show.

Did I ever review a movie that I liked?

Probably not, because I enjoyed the shitty ones/knew I could be funnier/more memorable with those movies. But I mean damn I’m so snarky/a total bitch in these reviews.

Also I love when people are like “LOL THE REVIEWERS ARE LIKE 30 THEY DON’T GET THESE MOVIES” and I’m like “I’m 19 so ok.”

tl;dr: I miss 2009.

My favorite thing to do whenever someone insults me on youtube is to look at their profile page, because it always delivers. 

Oh really, guy? I’m disgusting? You’re the one who favorited multiple Jamie Kennedy stand-up videos!

I get to sleep in on Wednesdays, so Tuesday nights are for drinking from my goblet, wearing these dumb glasses, listening to Tony Rice, and taking too many Photo Booth pictures

hedgerows replied to your post: hedgerows replied to your post: Fuck you Bruce…

dude is amazing live. For all of the sweaty, heartfelt, balls-out punk bands I’ve seen in intimate basements and diy venues, Bruce at Giants Stadium is still the best show I’ve ever been to.

ughhhhhhh stop making this sound like a good ideeeaaaaaa…

actually he is playing all over europe for the two months before that, so it would be plausible to go, even though it wouldn’t be on the fourth of july.

hedgerows replied to your post: Fuck you Bruce Springsteen.

i saw Die Hard 4 in Paris on the Fourth of July. I really didn’t think it got any more American than that. jesus fucking christ. Extend your stay! For Bruce!

Why would you play in Paris like, immediately after I’ll probably be leaving?

AND WHY MUST IT BE ON THE FOURTH OF JULY

THE FOURTH

OF JULY

THE FOURTH OF JULY

I’ll also tell past me that it’s totally cool and not weird to order a Coliseum Books t-shirt because Jimmy Fallon was once wearing it during the goodbyes, because a) that’s a really cool book store and b) in the future it will become all cracked and worn and the black will fade and you’ll look dope as shit in your baggy book store t-shirt.

to 2002 and go to my parent’s house on a saturday night at around 12:05 and go into the living room, because then 13 year old Hannah would be there, eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and making up her “weekend couch bed” (because you see, Saturday nights for like two years I would sleep in the living room, because I was already falling asleep while watching SNL, so I just made it official by moving all of my blankets/pillow out there) and settling down to watch her boo Jimmy Fallon and her lady hero Tina Fey.

And I would calmly tell her (after her intial—but short, I mean I understand and accept time travel as an important way to pass information—freak out) that even though she feel like a loser and alone now, because her favorite thing to do in the entire world is eat ice cream alone while watching Saturday Night Live, one day she will meet a whole group of other ladies who were doing that exact same thing in 2002. 

And that one day she will use her weirdness and aloneness as a catalyst to not only making weird, esoteric friends, but also for making weird, esoteric, ten year old references.

This is an important time travel post.

So last night, after everyone had left (we had a thanksgiving potluck) and my other roommate had fallen asleep, my nerd roommate Monika and I stayed up. We started talking about Nazis/Fascists/Europe during WWII (Monika is a major history buff), and then we talked about time travel, which led (naturally) to Doctor Who, and I was saying that it makes sense why the Doctor loves humans so much, because Earth is fucking crazy, and Monika said that her biggest problem with space movies/tv shows is that she can’t get behind planets that have only one…aspect.

Like, she said, how Tatooine was just a desert (or, you know, the part we saw), and like, who would settle on a planet like that, especially when you know there are other planets to live on? And Dagobah is just a big swamp, but I guess we don’t really know if there are other people living on Dagobah, or if it’s just Yoda.

And I was saying that like, I think the Earth is kind of crazy and rare because it does have so many different terra aspects, and that if you lived in a solar system where there was intergalactic travel, it makes sense that each planet would be a lot more…not niche-y, but I guess more focused on one thing. So like, on Tatooine, Owen and Beru are moisture farmers, and who knows if you could do that in other places. And Naboo is more Earth-like, but it is also home to more influential and powerful people, so maybe the more serf-ian people have to live on planets like Tatooine?

And then we went on to talk about the Doctor and more time travel and nerdy books and Spinal Tap, Holy Grail, and The Producers, and it was one of the best discussions I’ve ever had because rarely can I find someone that wants to have these dumb, intense conversations about, you know, Star Wars planets.

unicornery replied to your post: Can someone please tell me where the line “I…

Wristcutters maybe? koriandmetrion.devianta… the fact that it has a character called Eugene lends credence to this theory.

OH man, how could I forget that? That movie was my jam freshman year of college. It is still the only movie that, immediately after finishing, I rewatched it once, and then watched it with the audio commentary on, and then bought it on amazon.

Can someone please tell me where the line “I slipped Eugene. I slipped and fell in the goddamn pool” is from?

laufei replied to your video: I know that this would be a terrible usage of…

I’m sorry for whatever this means for you but I think we are the same person

1. What are the chances this will be the beginning of a European tour, and they’ll come to Paris?
2. If they’re only in London, I shall be calling in sick to work for two days so that I can go to London. I mean, obviously.

I like to

• drink on the weekends until my eyeballs start to buzz
• tweet about the goings-on when I am drinking
• facebook message people embarrassing things 
• especially IN ALL CAPS
• stay in my apartment and drink with people I know
• listen to Flo Rida on repeat
• drink bottles of coca-cola the next morning
• make chocolate chip pancakes and not share them with anyone
• wear mango colored lipstick
• consider going to the grocery store to get lasagna materials
• watch episodes of s club 7 on youtube
• roll my eyes at the child who lives upstairs and WON’T. STOP. RUNNING.
• wear giant fake glasses
• wear giant colorful sweaters
• wear purple pants
• not give a fuck about what anyone else thinks about me
• JUST DO ME

carinacakes replied to your video: oh my god you guys I can’t stop watching these…

I saw the screenshot of Newsies before I clicked play and I was going to comment, “Newsies is best.” But then the video started. And my comment was not relevant anymore.

that ultimately let you know that you are not only going to be more successful than the ex-crush will ever be, but you are already, even though you’re 3 years younger, a much, much better person.

1. My family, specifically my parents and Max, and my friends-who-are-basically-family
2. My internet family
3. The opportunities I have been given, especially the whole “living in Paris for a year”
4. A sense of humor, and all of the people who have shaped mine, in my personal life and in my television-movie-writing life
5. Feminism
6. Movie theater popcorn 
7. Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Amy Poehler, Community, and all Edgar Wright movies
8. My cats
9. In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
10. Rookie Mag
11. Bonus eleventh: brooklyn summer ale and all abita beers except purple haze